This morning, like many of you, I awoke to the news of the passing of our Holy Father. I wasn’t taken aback by the slew of texts and headlines filling up my notification center. After all, back in February we all thought Pope Francis would pass to his eternal reward at any moment. This was inevitable (when is death not?). And like many of you, I began to mull over in my mind what my final thoughts of Pope Francis are—who he will be to me until my own death, and who he will be to my children as I tell them about him. If, by the time they could care about such things, he is worth telling about (which, I believe, he will be, for one reason or another).
Pope Francis has been my only pope. Yes, I have been alive for JPII and Benedict XVI, but since I converted in college and began my life of faith, I have only ever known Pope Francis as pope. So because of this, I have to mention I have no real standards to which to measure him against. JPII is a saint, but that is an exceptional thing, not a normal thing, and Benedict XVI, despite his excellent theological mind and writings, has been marred by his resignation. And of course, there is the evergreen reality of myself: who am I to judge a pope?
I’m not here to judge, though. I’m here to make a few comments among an ocean of comments flooding Substack and other social media sites. And there is no doubt in my mind X is full of egregiously absurd comments ranging from “canonize him now” to “Bergoglio is in hell”. Neither thought is worth entertaining, nor are most thoughts in between those two. Instead, I have two takeaways from his time as pope that have been sticking in my mind all day.
Firstly, that while a lot of seminarians may be called “JPII seminarians” or “Benedict XVI seminarians” I am, for what it is worth, a “Pope Francis missionary”. My whole Catholic life has been dedicated to missionary discipleship and the new evangelization. Two efforts that saw their genesis with the JPII pontificate, but expanded under Pope Francis. Now, I never saw myself as a yes-man to Pope Francis (outside of the obedience required of all laymen), and so I would never say I’m simply doing what the pope is asking of us. Instead, I would say, that I do believe in “everyone, everyone, everyone”, and that as a missionary on college campuses, as a parish employee, and beyond, that my role has always been to evangelize all whom I meet in my roles. That all those I run across or talk to have been put there before me because God ordained it as such. And maybe that is nothing more than gross, spiritual sentimentality, regardless, it is how I approached mission. There was no judgement based on my own preconceived notions of who this person was, or who they can become. I just simply did my best to “love, and then do as I will” as St. Augustine tells us. And so in this way, I believe I have done as Pope Francis asked of me.
And this leads me into my second thought: that when Pope Francis said, “everyone, everyone, everyone” he wasn’t talking about me. You see, words are only worth the actions behind them. Our Lord tells us we shouldn’t swear oaths because we should instead, “let your yes be yes, and your no no”. Here he is saying we are to be men of such integrity that our “yes” is enough for others to believe us. But this trust, and faith, have to come from something, and they come from the actions we take. If I say “yes” but only ever do “no”, then no one will ever simply “take my word for it”. And in the same way, I did not see from Pope Francis any indication that I was wanted, or included in the “everyone”, because he never spoke well of the American church, or conservatives (though I wouldn’t call myself one, I would be labeled as one in liberal-conservative dichotomy), or of liturgical traditionalists, or really anyone who had an opinion he disagreed with. And that isn’t to say all of those people don’t have aspects that deserve scrutiny and criticism, but a moto proprio like Traditiones Custodes is not what a loving father gives to his children, but rather an annoyed one hoping to “beat some sense” into his children. It didn’t work, and instead emboldened prejudice against those who have certain liturgical preferences, and further “othered” otherwise faithful Catholics.
Others will speak of the financial reforms, his approach to the abuse scandals, and any other number of reforms or changes he made. And while these may end up being more of how he is remembered, it won’t be what I remember.
I don’t write this with any bitterness. I prayed for the Pope near daily, and will continue to pray for the repose of his soul. I will mourn him, because he was our Holy Father. I do not believe he was a man motivated by malice, but one who believed truly in what he was doing: for better or worse.
I hope his death was painless. I hope he died with Christ in his heart. I hope he is welcomed by God and shown mercy. I hope to one day be with him in heaven, adoring the Lord together. I hope all these things with a deep sincerity.
And before I finish I must give one final reflection. I can sometimes worry too much about death. About my own sudden demise, about my wife and unborn child’s, and it of course serves no purpose other to upset me, for as Our Lord say, “who by worrying can add one hour to their life” and again, “you will know neither the time nor the place”. And while His Holiness was in the hospital I was having one of these moments, and I thought of him: intubated and semi-conscious. How much closer to death he was than I have ever been, and yet he persevered. Perhaps he struggled internally, but it never showed externally. Here is where he gave his virtue: to suffer well. Something I needed to put my own life into perspective. Watching him get pushed around in his wheelchair while wearing his poncho and greeting the faithful was another moment of clarity. I believe by this point he knew his death was any day, and yet he chose to spend it with the faithful, being wheeled around to greet them, and to be with his flock in his final moments.
Anyone who knows me knows Pope Francis isn’t cracking my “Top 10 Popes” list, but he certainly isn’t near the bottom. His legacy will be a mixture of various reactions and reflections and sentiments, and he will be remembered less than the overall politicalization occurring among the faithful during this time.
Requiescat in pace, Papa.